i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
