just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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