okay pat passed out under dana's car
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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