she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
