when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
