Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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