Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
