Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
