So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
