I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Randomize
