Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
