the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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