She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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