I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
