totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
