So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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