your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Jerry, you need to find god
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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