i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
