DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
