my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
