I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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