Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
