i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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