Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
