She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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