You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
