..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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