I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
