I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
