Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
