You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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