omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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