Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
