i think my mom watched the whole time
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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