Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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