Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
