you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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