I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
