When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
