alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
