Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
