My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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