I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
