My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
