new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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