omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
