I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
