I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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