So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
How does it feel to date your dad?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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