Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
